People skulls from people skills

How we read people skill books most of us - thinking that we’ll get the magic technique that will bring the charisma in us and attract people to us. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’ve learned tremendously from “How to win friends and influence people” and “How to have power and confidence in dealing with people”. But that said, I must say that the secret to building huge organizations is not in learning people skills alone.

In fact I met somebody a few days back and was telling them that if you focus too much on people skills, you’ll only end up with more “people skulls” instead. This person was asking me how to attract the group to him and how to keep the team together?

I think people skills is a transactional skill. What we need to be looking for in our life are transformational interactions instead of transactional interactions. We can be infinitely good at making people feel good with false praise or not showing what we really think about them but we underestimate the power of human instinct. Once we understand that “thoughts are things” and everything in the universe is just energy and nothing else, our approach will change. 

Unless we can really find the good in somebody and start focussing on that instead of what we don’t like or appreciate in somebody; unless we can really accept them for who they are and stop thinking about how we can make them into what we want them to be, there is no transformation that will begin. We need to understand that people have the same instinct that we have in us - they get the energy we transmit towards them through our feelings much more than they trust the words we say to them.